Northwest Guilt

I’ve been plagued lately by Northwest Guilt.  It’s the feeling a person has that was raised in the Northwest, that says, on a sunny day, that person really needs to be outside enjoying the sunshine.  Since sunny days don’t come so often to us here in the Northwest, there’s a good reason for that feeling, but sometimes, circumstances prevent me from going outdoors on a sunny day - and the guilt takes over.

This time of year, even if it’s sunny outside, the trees all around us shade our house and yard, so we don’t get any direct sunlight after noon.  In the winter, we don’t get any direct light at all on our little piece of heaven.  At least in the fall we’ll get a few hours in the morning.  So, if I’m not outside early in the morning, when there’s still a little chill in the air, to feel that sunshine warming up my cheeks, I need to leave our property and go seek it out in some other location.  And some days, that’s just too much to ask - especially if I’m not even feeling like getting dressed.

So the past few weeks, we’ve enjoyed some incredibly beautiful sunny days, and I have to admit, I didn’t get outside for even one minute of them.  The guilt is still with me.  I think, as I’m crawling in to bed at night, “This day will never come again, and I blew it!  I never went outside to feel the sunshine!”  There’s just something about spending time outdoors that has been ingrained into the very core of my being that I can’t get away from.  And they say Catholics are the ones that live with all the guilt – ha!

But the upside is, this morning when I saw it was going to be another stellar fall day, I suggested to Kory that we take a little drive down to Seattle and walk around Green Lake, like we used to when we were dating.  He was up for it since Kaleb was gone all day on a sleepover with a friend. 

We enjoyed the fall colors and sunshine all around us on the drive south, but we really enjoyed the colors and sunshine all around us as we walked around Green Lake.  Many others were out enjoying the day as well, so it felt like a collective shedding-of-the-guilt as we strolled around that very familiar gem of a path in the Emerald City.

We had guests coming for dinner tonight so we couldn’t linger, but it was enough of an outing that it just might hold me over should another sunny day come this week when I miss it because I don’t feel like getting out of my pajamas.  Or, it might sink into my soul enough to inspire me to actually get out of the house and take one last look around my own neighborhood for that last splash of fall, and with camera in hand, prove to the world I am indeed a willing victim of the Northwest Guilt.

My Child

Kaleb is such a conundrum and I’ve yet to fully understand him.  He’s only five weeks away from becoming a teenager and I fear my confusion around him will only deepen.

I’ve intentionally avoided children my whole adult life, so understanding what’s “normal” and what’s not in a child, is lost on me.  On one hand, I think everything Kaleb is and does is perfectly normal, and on the other hand I think the opposite.

The boy is obviously more comfortable around adults than children, having been socialized by us, rather than a classroom full of his peers.  He carries his own in an adult conversation and I’ve yet to meet an adult that is not impressed by his ability to articulate his thoughts and the confidence he portrays while doing it.  Most children, on the other hand, find his behaviors annoying.

Since Kaleb hasn’t had any siblings or neighbor kids to knock him around when he does pestering little things that kids like to do – he remains clueless that he’s no fun to be around in a group setting.  Last weekend he was at a Junior High retreat and he came home less than thrilled by the experience of it.  He found it profoundly unfair that he got in line early to get a seat in the front of the bus, and some of the bigger kids exiled him to the back seat.  When he tried to sit next to other kids in the middle of the bus, no one would let him sit there.  He’s yet to “own” the reason why.

I’ve spied on Kaleb when he’s been in youth group or other classroom settings, and I’ve yet to see him sit quietly, keeping his hands to himself.  He’s often bopping someone on the head with a pencil or poking them in some fashion.  I’ve told him repeatedly he needs to imagine a buffer zone around everyone that should NOT be penetrated, but it just doesn’t register with him.  Turns out, at the retreat, he sat in a room and waited for kids to enter, then pelted them with pieces of candy.  I later told him it would have been a nice gesture to stand at the door and politely hand out the candy, but throwing it hard in people’s faces will not make him any friends.  He’s otherwise a quick learner, but the social skills portion of his learning years lags way behind.  Fortunately, he’s picked his friends well.  They tolerate his social quirks, sighting, “Of course Kaleb is annoying, but that’s just who he is.”

When he was younger, his intellect caused him to be attracted to kids older than himself, but now that even kids his own age are being affected by the raging hormones in their bodies and he’s not, his friends are becoming younger and younger.  His Christmas list this year is still full of toys he wants to play with.  

I’m in no hurry for him to mature, as there’s plenty of time for that, but I find these past few years to be very interesting, watching all his long time friends morph into these young adult men, and my sweet boy is still just that.  He still fits on my lap, as he’s not even 75 pounds or up to five feet tall yet.  He cuddles me like he did when he was three years old.  I’ll savor his boyhood as long as I can as he’ll be a man for the rest of his life.  I think it’s a gift to me from God that he’s a late bloomer.

A woman that did some academic testing on Kaleb when he was six years old told me that he’d be a late bloomer.  She said it was common for kids that are super smart.  I finally had to tell Kaleb that bit of news since he was feeling left behind as all his younger friends are even a head taller than he is.  But I still downplay his intelligence as much as possible so he doesn’t ever feel he’s somehow better than anyone else.

I love the Einstein quote, “Everyone is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid." When Kaleb was told by his friend, many years ago, that he was a “genius” I told him that everyone was.  I pointed out that his friend could name all the major league sports teams and he couldn’t name one.  Just because he likes to read books and spout a lot of facts makes him sound intelligent but that just means he’s book smart.  Everyone is smart in the areas that interest them.  I’ve just been amazed though at what does interest Kaleb.

Last year Kaleb took a high school Chemistry class and this year he’s taking Physics, honors Algebra and high school English.  He’s doing incredibly well in all of them, and he doesn’t even like English.  He’s also excelling rapidly in piano.  His teacher said she’s taught for over 20 years and never had a kid that learns faster than Kaleb.  He swears he doesn’t like it, but when he was stressed out one week over all the homework he had from his classes, Kory asked if he wanted to drop out of piano (I would have NEVER asked him that), and he said he didn’t want to.  So I guess he does like it, but doesn’t want to admit it because it wasn’t his idea to take lessons.

We had a parent teacher conference with his Physics teacher this week and she said he’s such a joy to have in class and he’s keeping right up there with all the high school kids (most of them are Seniors).  She encouraged us to start a high school transcript for him because he’s already taken so many classes he could get credit for.  I told her I was in no hurry to get him started in college anytime soon but she reminded me that there won’t be much to challenge him academically in a few years unless he IS taking college classes.  I understood, but I just keep looking for ways to slow him down.  The year we spent in Norway was one of those years, and we might go live there again for the same reason.  He’s so immature and not ready emotionally to be doing anything other than what he’s doing now, so I thank God for everyday that we get to be home with him.

Everyday I pray for wisdom for God to help me deal with this kid.  He’s not easy as he loves to debate about every little thing and is always looking for ways to outsmart my intentions.  We’ve had many talks about not breaking the letter of the law but totally defiling the spirit of the law – something he excels in.  He challenges each and every rule or consequence I give him and is always trying to redefine everything I say.  His brain never stops.

Since we don’t watch TV, books have always been his favorite source of entertainment.  Just yesterday I had to run into LaConner and he begged for me to take him to the library.  I had to use it as a reward if he got his other work done by the time I left.  He was so motivated, he zoomed through everything in record time (and did it all perfectly), just so he could check out a stack of books to read this weekend.  On a rainy Saturday where he’s had no one to play with, I’ve seen him read ten novels without getting up from the couch.  He forgets to eat, and I have to force him to drink water as he swears he’s never thirsty.  He’s so focused on reading that he tunes us out and is lost in his own little world on the corner of the couch, devouring books.  Sometimes I have to restrict him from reading as a punishment because it’s the only thing that really hurts. 

At this point in his life he wants to be an inventor.  He claims that electro-magnetism is the thing of the future and still one of the untapped resources the world has yet to explore.  I guess our job as parents is just to support him in the areas God has gifted him and then set him free.  Our house will certainly never be the same when that day comes.

A Quiet House

The only sound I hear right now is that of the refrigerator motor.  I could let it distract me but I’ll opt to transform it into the sound of a distant ocean as I try to regain some of my sanity.  I need a quiet house.  It’s been more than chaotic for far too long.  Our Norwegian guests left last week and I still haven’t fully recovered.  I got a massage on Friday, which helped some of the built up stress, but the beds upstairs still aren’t made and life is not quite back into a groove.  This week looks promising, however.  It might be the first “normal and routine” week we’ve had in over six months.  I’m looking forward to every day.

Kaleb has been away at a Junior High retreat this weekend.  Kory and I tried to have a little date night while he was gone, but it didn’t turn out like I’d hoped.  I’d ordered up a movie from Netflix that I thought was a comedy but it turns out it was just a bad drama and very depressing at that.  We both shook our head and wondered why we wasted our time on it.  We thought maybe we should get out of the house for a change, so we did.

There’s a “cabaret” place not far from where we life.  Lots of live music on the weekends and the place is always packed.  We thought Friday would be a good time to go check it out since Kaleb was gone.  We weren’t in there thirty seconds before I wanted to leave.  It was more of a bar atmosphere than I had expected and there were plenty of bar flies to go with it, and I don’t mean the insects.  It was sad, really, to sit and watch the bar scene with eyes over fifty.  I ordered a sparkling water, Kory got a beer and some steamer clams.  He couldn’t have eaten them fast enough.  I’ve never been a fan of the Nightlife, I guess.  Home never felt so good.

Last night was a much better night out.  We attended the memorial service for Rognar, a 97-year-old, very godly man we know.  It was so encouraging to hear about the legacy his life has left behind and to celebrate with his family that he’s now in the presence of our Lord and Savior.  A gospel quartet sang a very lively song about saying goodbye to this world and hello to eternity.  His 94-year-old wife got up and started dancing a jig during the song!  She was followed by their sixty something year old daughter and the entire front row.  Then the whole church joined in and I must say, I’ve never seen things so lively at Bethany Covenant Church!  Rognar’s legacy has even extended beyond the grave as he’s now broken free the outpouring of the Holy Spirit!  Later, his wife told me, “I just don’t know why I did that.”  But I do.  It was the spirit moving her.  Hallelujah!  I hope people dance  at my funeral – for all the RIGHT reasons – not because I’m finally gone.  Rognar’s family fully celebrated his life well lived and that he’s now gone on to his ultimate reward.  Hallelujah!  I’ll go on that kind of date anytime. 

My poison ivy is still lingering with an itch here or there but that misery has been replaced by the “atomic sniffles,” as Kaleb says.  He came down with something last week and shared it with me.  The cold and flu season has arrived.

Last weekend we took the Norwegians over to Port Townsend for the day.  It was a beautiful fall day and it was nice to get out of the house a little.  Kaleb spent the time with a friend of his as looking in boutiques and stopping in cafes is not his cup of tea, literally.  I think we need more balance in our lives.  We’re gone from the house for weeks and months on end, but then when we’re home, we don’t get out much.  A day spent in Port Townsend was quite the treat.

Our plans to be totally rid of the summer kitchen (our #1 Fall project) have been delayed while we try to find someone to take out the concrete foundation walls.  The bids we got for cutting the concrete were higher than what Kory felt was reasonable, so now we go with Plan B (the cheap plan, AKA – Kory’s ideas) and just jack hammer out the walls altogether.  He swears he can rebuild cheaper than trying to save bits and pieces of what’s there.  In the meantime, I’m getting anxious that a few things from our punch list from 13 years ago when we moved into this house are still not done, so I’m heading on to Project #2 for this fall as I can’t stand all the waiting and indecision for Project #1.  We’re getting a new fireplace insert.

Normally I budget $300 every other month to pay the diesel fuel bill for our furnace, so when the bill came this time and it was $686, I decided it was time to stop using the furnace.  Our fireplace is very inefficient in throwing off heat and I’ve long wanted to redo not just the face of it, but the guts as well.  Saturday we had a guy come give us a bid for putting in a flush insert that would heat up the house as well as improve the looks of the thing.  So this weekend we picked out the new fireplace guts as well as the tiles we’ll use to resurface the face.  I want a wood mantle, carved in that cool style of Norwegian rosemaling, but that will have to come later since the fireplace alone is costing more than twice what I anticipated.  It won’t take long to pay it back though, through the savings we’ll have on the diesel bill.  It’s supposed to be a cold winter this year and there’s nothing better to combat that than having a warm house.  We have an abundance of wood around us so the cost of wood won’t be as bad as diesel.  And, it will be one more thing I get to cross off the list I made when we moved into this house.  As Kory says, “House done when man die.”  He needs to live forever.

Fall

The good news is, 99.5% of my itching from the poison ivy attack is gone.  I can take hot showers again, sleep through the night and wear clothes.  The bad news is, all my pains are NOT gone and that’s not necessarily referring to my poison ivy attack.

Our company from Norway is on their last week with us.  Sabina, the 13 year old, joined Kaleb last week in a Missoula Children’s Theatre production of “King Arthur.”  She was a damsel in distress; Kaleb was a knight in shining armor.  The play went incredibly well and it always boggles my mind that they have auditions on Monday and by Friday they are performing the play.  It’s such a good experience for kids to have, even if it creates a crazy making week for the adults that have to schlepp them around. 

Most homeschool kids canceled all their schoolwork for the week so they could concentrate on memorizing their lines and going to the five hour a day rehearsals.  Kaleb, unfortunately, still had to attend his Physics and English classes and go to his piano lesson.  I canceled math for him and all his other subjects, but the three heaviest hitters got him pretty stressed out, especially since he had his first big exam in Physics this past week.  He had a few meltdowns over the time pressures and there was stomping and screaming and doors slamming.  He even ran away from home for a few minutes (down the driveway, hidden in the trees).  I wasn’t home at the time but when everyone finally settled down, Kory agreed to let him skip his piano practice for the day and that helped reduce his stress.

It was a very stressful week for me because besides the Norwegian guests, we had one of the directors from Missoula staying at our house and both of our cars had events that landed them in the repair shop so there was a lot of extra strain on my time.  Really, I thought I’d pop a cork a few times but I got smart and called up some prayer warrior friends of mine and sure enough, things started to calm down and life seemed manageable again after their prayers reached the heavens.  Prayer is an incredible thing.  Whenever we bring something before the throne of God, stuff happens – or stops happening as it was in my case.  Hallelujah!

My neighbor, Wendy, had a cider press party last Sunday and we took the Norwegians there.  Another person at the party sat and talked to Tone, the mom,  for hours on end and wanted to get together with her again before she left, so today is the day for that.  Sabina went home with the Wilkens after church (friends of ours), so she could hang out with their daughter, Joanna.  Kory and Kaleb are on a scout outing today and tomorrow and right now, I’m not sure what to do with me, myself and I.  The house is quiet, the laundry is folded and dishes washed.  I took a quick nap, then prepared for an upcoming class I’m teaching on Friday, got ready for our home fellowship group tonight and paced the floor wondering what to do next, which is when the idea of updating my blog came to me.  I haven’t thought about it all week as I’ve been gone from early morning until late night every day and writing has been the last thing on my mind.

Oh, I just now remembered the big news of the week.  I won two awards for my writing!  I forgot all about that.  Friday I attended the Washington Newspapers Association “Best Newspaper” awards ceremony in Everett.  The editor of our local paper bought dinner for all us award winners so it was fun to meet the other people that work for the paper.  Most of the awards our paper got were for photography and advertising design, but I won 3^rd place in state for Best General Feature Story for the article I wrote about connecting two long lost buddies, and I won 2^nd place for Best General Interest Column for my “Nuggets from Norway” column.  How cool is that?  I’m now an award-winning writer.  Who knew.  The guy that won first place for best column also writes for our paper so we nearly swept that category.  It was a fun night and I found out my cousin Neil would have been the MC and given out the awards if he weren’t recovering from a stem cell transplant.  He’s the big boss of the printing company that sponsors the event.  Small world.

This week, my favorite person in the whole world (Janet Johnson! - see photo of her with Kaleb above) turned 75 and she wouldn’t even let me throw her a party, but I at least got to bring a cake to our Bible study, in her honor.  I’m so glad God’s kept her around for the rest of us to enjoy.

Kory has been enjoying spending time with Tone, and since my schedule has kept me out of the house so much, he’s been taking her with him everywhere he goes, so I wouldn’t be surprised if rumors start to fly of him having an affair with some hot blonde Norwegian bombshell. 

There are so many things I could write about, but I won’t because I’d just as soon forget about them.  Life is soon back to normal however, so I’m hanging on for the ride.  

Most of the photos were taken two weeks ago at the Festival of Family farms in Skagit Valley.  I love it here.